I just read my post after quitting Kettle at the 100K point last year. It sounded great. So convincing. So final. So grounded and mature. Apparently it wasn't. Apparently I changed my mind.
It started bugging me that I've quit the last 3 100's I started. I am not a quitter. Really. I may change my mind sometimes (like the last 3 100's I've started), but I don't quit. Except I have. And I did. And I knew it.
And my kids knew it. Hannah was only 5 when I last completed Kettle. She and EmmaGrace have seem me quit twice. It's not OK. So, I signed up again.
Surprisingly, I've actually not been all that nervous about it. Of course, it's been an incredibly cool spring which may have been a factor. I haven't been nervous until this Monday that is. That's when I started planning my drop bags and watching the weather. Monday night - I got the cold fever sweats. I immediately assumed:
- I have the flu (because other people I know have it - I therefore apologize to all sick people out there - you actually always get sick 1 to 2 weeks before my races just to set me into a panic. It's my fault. I'm sorry.)
- I have Lyme's disease (because I think I was bitten by a tic whilst camping at Fanny lake 2 weeks ago and I read a lot on the internet about Lymes disease)
- I overdosed on Morels this weekend (we had too many last year and all felt woozy for a couple days too)
- I am entering Manopause (which is perfectly OK) or
- I'm nervous (which was actually not a consideration until just now when I read last year's post and saw that I had the cold night sweats too).
So here it is. Thursday. I've slept in flannel and fleece each night to sweat out my sickness (that I may not actually have). And - I'm very excited because my wetsuit came today and I understand they make your really sweaty (won't Kathy be surprised by this evening's attire ....).
But. Aside from the fact that I may be sick, or not (see above), I'm not really that worried this year. I am very well set on simply finishing. I will not run any hills until mile 70. I am focusing on 12 minute miles which I still have not achieved in training ( no matter what - I end up at 10 min miles). I also have planned some very slow sections across the marsh and down to Rice Lake and back where it's dark and rocky. I do however expect to run the last 14 at a 10 min. pace. In effect, I'm hoping to be the same guy i was at Ice Age. Not the fastest guy there, but definitely the happiest and most able to almost immediately grab a burger and a beer (this is a common measure of wellbeing amongst ultra-runners - usually, if we push it to the end, we find ourselves feeling rather awful and unable to eat for an hour or more - my goal is to finnish happy, strong and ready to eat).
So I was wrong when I thought I was mature enough to retire from this 100 mile running thing. And I really hope I don't have to write a post on Sunday telling all of you (like there are any of you) that actually I was right, then I was wrong and now (Sunday) I'm right again.....
Life is complicated. I'm pretty sure we bring that on ourselves.
